In the past when others posted my story they wrote things like “unborn baby” or things stating that my daughter wasn’t born or didn’t live which isn’t true. Because of the car accident, my placenta detached on impact, so she was without oxygen while the firefighters struggled to cut the roof from the car and remove me from being trapped inside the car. She did not make it to full term and was delivered at 34 weeks (and 6 days) by emergency vertical c-section. From there, we both were fighting for our lives. She then had multiple full-body blood transfusions and continued fighting, but after 3 hours, she sadly went into cardiac arrest and passed away. All along, I was also fighting for my life, bleeding out because of a mesenteric artery rupture.

I was in a coma for almost 4 days and woke up immediately looking for my baby but the doctor instructed my family not to tell me just yet that my baby girl didn’t make it because I was not fully stable to receive that news. I do not remember any of this, but I was told I was eventually given the news and needed to be given a sedative to calm down. My first memory in the hospital was the NICU nurse handing me my lifeless and cold baby girl (they preserved and held her so that when or IF I woke up I can say goodbye properly). I remember feeling like the world around me just stopped as I stared at my baby, trying to memorize every inch of her body because I knew this was the first and last time she would be in my arms. My WHOLE family was in my room and each and every family member got to hold her and say their goodbyes. I did not think I could get pregnant since it took 10 years for my first to be conceived but I was also in a very mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive relationship.

After losing my daughter, I finally found the strength to leave that relationship after 10+ years. But I thought “if I can lose my daughter, I can definitely lose you” and he was not helping my grief, just adding on to my pain. A year later, I was not looking for a relationship as I was still a wreck, but while planning a walk in memory of my daughter, I met a graphic designer who made the logo for the walk. Well, we ended up talking about everything not just the event I was planning and he ended up doing it free of charge, lol. He knew everything I went through and understood my physical incapabilities because of my injuries as well as now developing depression, anxiety, and ptsd because of the accident and just wanted to bring happiness into my life.

Being together for 4 years, I knew my chances of getting pregnant again were very very slim since it took 10 years with my ex and now, after the accident, my body has been through ALOT. But we still were trying since my doctor told me she thought I could have a chance since, thankfully, my reproductive system did not need to be removed in the hospital. When I didn’t get my monthly friend I did not at all think it was because I was pregnant, but my boyfriend said I should still take a test. Well, I did, and I WAS! I surprised him with a golden egg egg hunt (it was around easter) which had my test in it with a baby onesie. I still did not want to tell my family until I was past the “danger” stage in case my body was to weak to hold my rainbow baby. I was very very emotional when I made it past that stage and even more so when I found out the baby was a girl. I wanted to keep the “A” names in memory of my baby girl Angelys Brielle, and named my rainbow baby girl Aleia. She is truly a blessing, my miracle rainbow baby.

My sister was driving the day we got into the accident (I was in the passenger seat) and she was seven months pregnant. She, thank God, did not have any major injuries and, I again thank God, that neither did my nephew. She was also rushed to the hospital so they would check on her baby boy as a precaution. While checking up on her baby, his blood pressure started to drop significantly and had to have an emergency csection. He was born at 28 weeks, weighing about 2lbs and had to stay in NICU for several months. By the grace of God, he was okay and doing amazing till this day. Now my godson and my daughter in heaven share the same birthday, 05/19/2015 and every single year it’s such a bitter-sweet moment. Trying to be happy and blessed my godson is here to celebrate his birthday, but also feel so heartbroken that my daughter isn’t. I have to force myself to go to a party to celebrate my nephew (which fills me with tremendous guilt) when really all I want to do is lay in bed ALL day and cry. I’m still trying to find balance and peace with that in itself. 💔