In the year of 2014, I was happily expecting my firstborn child, it was such an amazing feeling, yet so scared and overwhelmed my heart was so full. I was expecting my first baby with my best friend. We both got pregnant at the same time, so it was nice to explore this big event in our life together. When I was 3 months pregnant I found out I had a Molar Pregnancy.
Unfortunately, that means I was growing a noncancerous tumor in my uterus. As hard as it was to accept the fact I wasn't pregnant and soon would have to have surgery to remove it, it was a very uneasy feeling. I was going through the emotions of losing a baby and supporting my best friend who was having a healthy pregnancy. After surgery and healing, I knew in my heart god would place a child in my arms and heart when he was ready. I supported my friend knowingly it was extremely hard, but in the end, I was blessed with the gift of being her god mommy.
A few months go by, It was the month of April of 2015, and I woke up that morning with a gut feeling of knowing I was pregnant. With a test to confirm, I indeed was. (Yay) . With the hormones and emotions of being scared of losing this one, it was a successful 36-week pregnancy, This is my first Rainbow baby Peyton. Her pregnancy came with a lot of complications, I found out I had Post Partum Eclampsia, and ended up having a stroke. So while my healthy baby got to go home I had to stay and continue my care till I got better. During this time I also found out I had a Bicornulant Uterus, So my uterus splits giving me 2 sides. With this uterus, I would have a hard time having babies and would only be allowed to have connections. But that didn't stop my plan to have babies, I knew I always wanted 2 kids.
After a year, I was ready to try for another baby, I wanted to have kids close in age. This is where I felt defeated, tired and overwhelmed. Me and My husband went through 8 miscarriages in the years of 2016/17 I was so emotionally drained by the pain and aches I had to stop myself from putting myself in that situation again. So we decided at that time we would take a break and enjoy life with our blessing we do have.
In the year 2018 we unexpectedly found out I was pregnant, this pregnancy was a little different. Due to my bicornuate uterus, we actually ended up pregnant with twins, we later found out that baby ate baby ( very common) in twin pregnancy. It was shocking and very sad but we were grateful we still had a chance with babyA. Around 18 weeks I woke up in a lot of pain and bleeding. I decided to go get checked out since I'm high risk. I was informed baby was ok and there was a heartbeat but I was hemorrhaging. So the next day my OB had to see me, went into that apt feeling scared but relaxed since I knew that baby was ok from the night before. Got to the room, laid down for an ultrasound and I heard her say there was no heartbeat. My mind went blank, I was spinning and couldn't talk. No words for the emotions I was going through. Other than how could I lose my baby at my halfway mark? That was by far one of the most traumatizing events to ever happen to me. After losing our little boy, I was for sure done. I went through an experience I never want to imagine or go through again. If there was any word to describe that feeling of traumatizing and heartbroken was definitely the words. Days then turned in months of cring, I wasn't taking it easy at all. You always hear other people say it will get easier, or things happen for a reason. But truth be told, they don't know that feeling you pain from intl they suffer that experience. Losing our little boy took me some time to gain control over my feelings.
Well. The year 2019, I shockingly woke up one morning and found out I was pregnant. did we plan this baby? No! After losing our son I was done and didn't want to experience anything as I did again. But I came to the reality that I was pregnant and fought hard in my power to make sure this baby stuck with me. I have seen 2 high-risk Drs that took amazing care of me. I hid this pregnancy because I didn't want to hurt anyone like I have in the past, it was so hard not getting to share my experience. But we did it, she was born at 36 weeks and healthy as can be. This is our 2nd Rainbow baby Paislee, with such an amazing but terrifying experience our family is complete with our Rainbows 🌈