Remember as a kid you dreamed of the day you would become a mom? It all started with babies and barbies, learning to care and cradle our dolls. Motherhood isn’t just an instinct, It's built in us. We are born with the power to care for our loved ones. It's crazy to think here we are with babies that are alive and depending on us. Alive, Thriving, and alone you may feel in your home, wondering if you’re doing any of this right.
I remember growing up I declared myself as a Stay-at-home-Mom, having my life plans in order. I didn't expect to pop out our first baby when I was just a teenager. Even though I had planned and dreamed of becoming a stay-at-home mom, things didn't turn out as the way I had hoped. Returning to work makes me feel so wrong. I felt like I was failing my child in a way, but I also knew deep down that if I didn’t work, I wouldn’t make ends meet. My husband at that time was working out of town, so I was working and taking care of our newborn by myself.
Long days and some nights, being away from my child was such an uneasy feeling. Especially considering that I felt I wasn’t raising her. I missed so many milestones to celebrate with her. One night as I rocked her to sleep, I thought to myself how do other moms do this? That's exhausting and also very heart triggering. I hurt so bad from never seeing her. But I did my best and cherished my moments with her more when I was with her.
Four years goes by, I found out I was pregnant with our second baby girl. When I found out I was pregnant, me and my husband both agreed that we were in the position to allow myself to stay home. My pregnancy was at high risk because I had a lot of health issues. I had to see multiple specialists weekly. So being at home seems like the safer option for us. It definitely was a huge change for us, financially and emotionally. But the BIG day had arrived, and I finally let my dream of being a stay-at-home-mom become a reality. I was so excited to spend every day with my babies. Life seemed so easy. Till one day... it hit me!
The isolation, loneliness, anxiety, and never ending breaks.
You know how when you start a job, it comes with a manual or a manager to help guide you in the direction you need to go? Being a stay-at-home mom you just be thrown in. There are no coffee breaks, lunch breaks, or a manager to tell you when you did something wrong. It's an ongoing learning process. Trying to establish routines and plans, but children can be tricky. They are also oblivious to your health. No sick days, quiet times, or just simple 5 mins breaks.
The feeling of my husband and me parenting is uneven. There are days I felt resentment, he just getting to drive in a car and listen to what he wanted on the radio, or just getting to communicate with coworkers at work. But you know what? I chose this! This is the life I wanted. I began to feel guilty, since I have been given this beautiful opportunity to stay at home with my children, which is a gift that most people can't afford and would die to have.
So all my fellow mommies that stay home and all you mommies that will soon get to stay home. I see you! You're an amazing mother. You put in so much hard work that's undervalued. Just always remember that you are employed by the greatest company: Your Children.